Reflection Pool

2009, to say the least, has been a year (well, months) of surprises and self reflection.

Realizing that the non-sense that I've put myself through has opened my mind to what I could be, has inadvertently, opened door for change, creating the new person I am today. For the past couple of years, I have allowed myself to be completely dependent on the actions of others. I have given my peers the power to control my emotions, actions and way of thinking. Taking myself out of this box, I am able to take the wheel and make decisions that are crucial for my mental survival.

So, here I stand today as the person that I once was and the person that I've strive to be. I make choices that benefit myself mentally and/or physically. I am no longer a person who thrives on drama and social norms. With this, I try to surround myself around people who give off an aroma of happiness and enlightenment. Friendship should NOT be high maintenance and for a while, I had individuals in my life where it felt as if being in their life was a chore. Because I didn't complete my task on time, I would get reprimanded by these individuals. Walking on egg shells is not the way I choose to live my life. Rather than being surrounded by a large group of individuals whose purpose in life is to gossip and compare themselves to others based out of pure jealously, I prefer an intimate group of people who I can trust with my life and sanity. If not them, I choose to be alone.

Intimate conversations results in empty closets. This is the only way you can have a complete fresh start. Many new beginnings were conducted and as a result, failed due to the skeletons that eventually occupied the entire room. Candle light talks with a tad bit of hair burning releases these skeletons, leaving a closet full of darkness and echos. Only then can a new beginning start, where trust is re-instated. Thus far, having this new found trust has made life simpler and, in turn, happier.

I am no longer that girl who is dependent on him and allow my emotions to revolve around his actions. I am no longer that girl who is dependent on labels, since labels is what eventually ruins any type of relationship one way or another. I am no longer that girl who is so insecure with herself, as as a result, trusts no one. I am no longer a girl that relies on social norms, since that's what tends to mentally mind Fu*K my mind. I am no longer a girl that will surround herself around negative individuals, since they are the hands that keep my head underwater.

So with this, I am happy and free. I am making choices that will benefit me, making me happy and in turn, make those who surround me happy. Free of stress and negativity, I can hold my head hi and smile at the world ahead of me.