Two Steps Back, Three Steps Forward

1, 2 and 3...that's all it takes me to determine if I will further date a man. 1, 2 and 3 is how many times I will call/text before I give up if nothing is received. 1, 2 and 3...that's all it takes for me to move on. 2010 has definitely been a year (so far) of keeping my head up and moving forward.

January (Month 1) opened my eyes to the possibilities. I finally opened my eyes about my ex and realized that somethings just don't change. I realized that this "drug" that I was addicted to was something that needed to be extracted from my system. In this eye opening realization, I unexpectedly met this wonderful surprise who showed me I deserved someone truly better.

February (Month 2) was filled of happiness...which is associated with smiles, laughter and warmth. I came across an entirely new set of feelings and my wall was crumbing down beneath me. Spark...check. Chemistry....Check... Attraction...Check...Compatibility...maybe? Physical intimacies had yet to be explored but definitely emotional intimacy was something that was appreciated and touched upon. At the end of this month, I was definitely falling...until he was ripped away from me.

March (Month 3) was and is filled is disappointment. I'm pretty rational when it comes to relationships. I don't rush into anything and definitely have my heart guarded. I completely understand the honeymoon period and knew that everything that I was feeling was based on raw emotion, we truly didn't really know one another. However, which this all said, I was truly disappointed that it has come to an end...I didn't get to experience anything more than pure joy with him, thus making it hard to let go.

Everyone has a past, I completely understand. I was with my ex boyfriend on and off for years before I decided to shut it off. Words in the moment have been said, no matter how sweet, sincere and genuine they were. Those words could have been what the brain wanted....when in fact, the heart wants something else. If the past is what is wanted....who am I to stand in the way, for there is no foundation to what has been built upon...therefore, it will eventually crumble. Of course, I hope for the best...that miraculous a foundation can be built afterward....but I'm not that naive. Hoping for the best but realize that maybe, just maybe, the worst has already been bestowed upon me.

I just have to realize that all I can do is move forward....that maybe, just maybe another surprise might come my way, since I am now ready to close this miniature chapter.